heartbroken

Friday, March 28, 2008

Today, Gonzo and I decided to quit breastfeeding Sofia. At least, straight from the breast, that is.
Sofia developed thrush. That is the final diagnosis. Not a nursing strike. Not teething. Thrush.
Luckily, I found it super early. She just has a few pin-head sized spots.
However, these spots are causing her enough discomfort that she will not breastfeed without a major fight. This morning, she cried for an hour and half while I tried every way to get her to breastfeed. She has now smartened up to every single trick I've figured out.

It was a really hard decision - even though everything in my head tells me that this is the right thing to do. I cried, and I cried hard because I know that putting her on the bottle will probably mean she'll never come back to feeding from the breast. It surprised me that I was so emotional about it. I honestly feel like I'm having a way of bonding with my daughter taken from me.

But it's about Sofia. It's about her needing to get what she needs to thrive.
I think that God has this happening so that Sofia doesn't pass the infection on to me, and then I only perpetuate the problem.

I have prayed that she'll be back on the breast once the infection clears up. I know that God can do that.

3 comments:

  1. Awh man, I am sorry to hear the baby has something and all of that. I'll pray she clears up and resumes the normal activity when it passes.
    I love reading your blog. We are expecting our first kiddo and i have no idea how to deal. there is this sick feeling in my stomach that everything in life is going to do a 180 and i am trying to brace my self for it. Maybe i am too aware of the impending change.

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  2. Hey Daine,
    Thanks for your sympathy! Well, I've gone one full day of preparing my breastmilk for Sofia to take by bottle and it's gone okay. I'm feeling better about it now, although HECK! it's so inconvenient (compared to feeding my breast). I've gotta make sure all the equipment I'm using is clean and all that stuff. At least she's still able to get what's best for her, even though she's rejecting the breast.

    Yes, it'll be a change when you have a kid - but more so for your wife than for you. The best you can do for your baby in the early days is to support your wife. Sometimes it was so hard for me (especially the times in the middle of the night) but just having my husband there to take over walking the baby around, or even problem solving (trust me - sometimes you'll be racking your brain!) helped a ton. Don't worry though - love for your new child will compel you and you certainly won't mind. It's amazing.

    And congratulations on expecting your first child!

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  3. Hey Kathy, I'm so sorry to hear that it's thrush. I hope it clears up soon. I mentioned it to my mum and she said lemon helps, like using a slice of lemon or juice to clean Sofia's mouth. I'm not sure if it'll work for you, but I thought I'd share the info.
    stay blessed

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