holiday monday

Monday, August 04, 2003

today was super nice. mike spags invited us all up to the boat at GORESKI's RESORT. pretty fun stuff! today involved just soaking up as much sun as possible. just such a lazy day. it was cool to do nothing, and just hang out. 'nothing' involves swimming, watching rob, carrie, and christine wakeboard. 'nothing' also included waiting for the towtruck to arrive when our car wouldn't start when trying to head home to go to andrew mckenzie's bbq. we called CAA and waited for like an hour and a half, but somehow we still had a good time. mike kept saying, "this is great, this is great...". it's cool to be with people that you don't always have to do something with. just sitting around. LYING around.

whatever -
it's terrible how busy toronto makes you. it's easy to get swallowed up in it. i was just thinking about torontonians, as soon as there is some glimpse of a holiday, they pack up the car and RUN to the cottage, out of some desperate attempt to grab some rest like trying to resist drowning. we work so hard in toronto, running ourselves into the ground, trying to make a decent living. i'm not complaining about not having enough to survive, or anything like that - it's just that the RUSH here could kill you. yes, we've been blessed to abundance here, but i've been to countries where they don't have much, but they sure know how to enjoy rest time, and well, frankly, their lives. i think that especially because even more recently, how both parents are almost "REQUIRED" to work, it only heightens the busyness of the family life.

it's certainly not the vortex i want to get wrapped up into.

rotting insides

Sunday, August 03, 2003

more and more, recently, i keep realizing to a larger degree on how easily it is to let ourselves go.

it all begins so slowly - just little thoughts, some attitudes creep in from the peripheral, unchecked judgments... many of these appear so justifiable at the start. unfortunately, no matter how right you are at the time, all these thoughts, attitudes, judgments, are building something ... building a result.

also, what's difficult too, is watching who you let rub off on you. growing up, my parents used to yell at me all the time, because they'd notice all these changes to my personality that i would bring home from school like dirt on my clothes. i never used to think that i was influenced that easily until i let myself consider the possibility.

so, you've got to watch what you're birthing on the inside, but you've also gotta watch what you're picking up externally.

this is also kind of related: sometimes when i get insecure, i think that in order to secure my relationships, it would work by sharing the dirt you've got on someone, tearing someone down behind their back, whispering things that really don't help anyone when you share them... but the truth is, i'm only adding yeast to an already rapidly growing negativity - AND infecting someone else with it. and really, you're building false alliances. and as obvious as it is, you don't build friendships on hating other people.

it's so scary how easily this growing ugliness shows up on people's faces.

so, what do i plan to do? i've been taking dave's advice. anytime, you come across the thoughts that you shouldn't be having, just pray. not necessarily about the thing you've come across, but turn your mind towards prayer. it's such an easy to build your prayerlife. for real! i have been finding myself lifting up more people in prayer than i have in a long time.

it was scary to notice myself slipping, and i need to watch myself, 'cause there's nothing more tragic than getting poisoned young.