i'm so in love

Friday, July 18, 2003

you know what? life is just so good. even when it's bad - it's feels so heavy with such a richness. i remember when i was young, and i hardly knew God, when I was debating His existence, when I was unsure about His concern for me, my life felt so light, weightless... i could even imagine myself unexisting. i used to keep thinking about whether i was real or not.

what's so overwhelming is when i think how far God has brought me, even when i'd turn left or right, after the point that i had my eyes opened and i came to the point where it was impossible to believe that God was unreal, unexisting, uncaring, how my life has only become more and more real. it feels like it has substance. direction. blessing. it's so hard to explain the sentiment. my heart is full. i guess the closest thing that i can encapsulate it in is that i feel so in love. but not just with gonzo. (and no, not in a cheating-heart way). i feel head-over-heels about my friends, with what work God has given me, with the abilities God has given me, with the weakness that I've inherited from this broken world, my family... virtually every part of my life.

it's funny that i'm writing this right now - i've just woken up. this is a typical entry for me, late, late, late, late at night, after a wicked time of hanging out - but this is just after a short-night's sleep. this is as real as it gets.

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