greetings from batavia

Monday, June 30, 2003

i've been here a couple of hours, and already i've been stuffed with buffalo chicken wings, root beer, pizza and a chinese coconut riceball. i'm stuffed silly. no worried, just gonna need all the energy for tomorrow's all-day swimming stint. i'm SO looking forward to it.

so, i'm in here in batavia, new york, visiting my aunt and uncle with mom, dad, christine, margaret, and gonzo. gonzo loves visiting here. as do the rest of us. it's our "cottage" ;-)

well, we're only here until tomorrow night so i've gotta savour it. see ya later, folks.

visiting adam

Monday, June 23, 2003

today was fun. smiths, joel, and the chinas went swimming at morgan pool after a nice lovely pizza lunch at the smiths. then off to church for the anniversary music celebration (that name sucks... but is descriptive). adam and i then proceeded downtown to meet up with christine, margaret, joel, karl, and robert, but that never happened because hunger pangs took over our weak minds and we ended up at sushi on bloor instead of hanging out with them. bad friends! bad friends!

anyway, in our conversation over dinner, we decided that on fridays, 'cause i have the day off, i could drive out to the waterloo area to visit adam, and then bring him home for the weekend. that would be cool! of course, i could take ... matt... who is the only other person who might not work on fridays who would care to come, or margaret if she were to skip work... or anyone else who would be interested!

well, i write this so that i will remember that we said this. i am always sad when friends somehow slip through your hands, because of busyness, lack of effort... so, i'm gonna fight to not let that happen with adam. i did let that happen with joel. but cool thing is that somehow i got a second chance, and he's back and hanging out with us. hopefully us lims will stay in good contact with him (and adam, once he's off to school). goodie. goodie.

time to rest up for another day of hanging out! :-)

how scary!

Saturday, June 21, 2003

i picked up christine from Leslie Station tonight... at like 11.30pm, and we ran over to Shoppers Drug Mart, and then proceeded home. Welll, on the way home, we noticed that this car was parked on the street, while still running, and then moved up, and then stopped, and then moved up - until we spotted a woman who seemed a bit worried in her walk, rushing along the sidewalk. christine and i pulled over, and watched to see if the car was indeed following this woman. she started walking (almost running) down the sidewalk past our car, and christine called out, "Are you okay?" she said "Yes, thanks," and continued walking. christine offered for us to give her a ride to her house, and she was grateful. apparently, a man in the car was harassing her. i'm so glad we noticed her, considering the terrible evil that she could have encountered tonight. Man, things like this make me really scared to live in this world, considering so much of my life is surrounded by such UTTER goodness.

hanging with joel

Friday, June 20, 2003

wowee... i know it's been a long time since i've written here, although i was had professed that i would be on here WAY more. well, here's the reason: surprise visit from joel hilsden.

our good friend, joel, gets on msn with christine on monday, informing her of his need for a stinkin' pick up from the airport the next day, TUESDAY. christine couldn't make it, so i got the honours of picking up this last minute planner from the airport. so glad to see him. the last time i saw him was like 4 years ago, and that last time i didn't get to hang out with him at all. SO, the last time i got to hang out with him was like in 1996/7. yeah, that was a long, long, long while ago. needless to say, my sisters and i are having a blast with him.

maybe, even too much fun.

our week has consisted with staying out late, and then having to wake "early" the next day to get to work, and then repeating that the next day. and the next. and the next. and the next. and the next. but it's so much fun - how can you say no? NEVER!

so - he might be staying another week. hopefully! but i also don't hope he stays because the reason why he would be staying would be because his flight fell through that he was counting on in order to visit his girlfriend in the US. that would suck. but we'd be happy. but that's never cool to be happy at someone's expense. yeah, so don't do it, kids.


Friday, June 13, 2003

i've woken up to dream again.
it's such a cool time in my life, and so many of my friends.
a lot of stuff that happens in our lives is pretty scary, but the cool thing is whatever happens, we have the confidence that God has us in our hands. so it's like free falling sometimes but at least i know that there is some kind of catch system at the bottom - otherwise, i'd have to fear death.

so the problem now is which dream do i want to pursue? i have far too many and it's so much effort to pursue one, so i want to make sure that i pursue the right one. and then all the application process and stuff. but hey, i have to make plans on doing something. i don't want to just coast, you know? i think that i'm settled in my life now, so now it's time to do something new, i think.

i had always vowed that i would never get comfortable in life and so there we go - i'm comfortable enough to get uncomfortable again. *sigh* growing is so hard. but oh so fun.

character and our path

adam and i had/are having a fantastic conversation about experiences and who we are.
do our experiences shape who we are, or do we determine our experiences?

i think both.

some people seem tossed and turned about by what life hands them. other people seem so firmly in control of their life, steering their life toward a certain destiny. what's the difference?

if you can imagine an inside and an outside fighting all the time.
if the inside is stronger, it will not succumb to the pressure of the outside. the outside will have no effect.
now, if the outside is stronger than the inside, the inside will certainly be shaped by what the outside wishes.

the inside that i'm speaking of is a person's character. the outside i'm speaking of is the life-situation. if the person's character is strong, the experience will certainly be shaped. if the person's character is weak, the experience will definitely leave its mark on the individual.

a "strong character" i mean is defined by the Word of God.

experiences tend to reveal what is already resident within us. two people will have completely different reactions to a driver cutting them off on the highway. why? because of the person's character. values and personality, all making up character.

BUT we cannot deny that experiences do not leave some kind of imprint on us. however, we also must consider that even the most horrible experiences shape people different ways. again, i return to character. what would cause someone to be abused as a child only to grow up to desire to help other abused children, and another individual to grow up and use their upbringing as a crutch? character.

i think that when Jesus said this, what we're discussing here has to do with that: "Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even when he has will be taken from him" (Matthew 13: 12-13). the person with the richness of a strong character will only learn more and grow stronger because of his experiences - but the person who is already weak will only be weakened by his experience in life.

yeah, i think that sums that thought/discussion up.


Thursday, June 12, 2003

oh my goodness.
last night, 8:00pm, at the Molson Ampitheatre - COLDPLAY was amazing.

Three HUGE shows that are at the top of my list of shows I've seen are U2, Coldplay, and Weezer.
It was so cool to see Coldplay live 'cause I wasn't sure as to how the energy-level would pan out. Their music is so mellow on CD - live, it is a completely different story. Even the softest, most contemplative songs were upped in energy.

Chris Martin's pitch is incredible, as well as the other members of the band who sing back up in addition to playing their instruments.
*sigh* people who are good at what they do are SO inspiring to me - especially when it comes to music. Perhaps it's because I know that I have potential, and that I haven't really worked at developing my potential over the last ... DECADE... and I fear sometimes that I might lose the potential as I get older. All this to say that whenever I see an act like this, I panic, and think, OH CRAP, I need to work on my music.

But it's not even because I want to be famous, not because I aspire to be a "rock-star-musician-type" person.
It's really just about the art.

Oh, and it also reminds me the desire I have inside to do light design too.
Man, why is it that everything i want to do require so much damn school? so much money? so much time? so much effort? there seems to be so little time in life to do EVERYTHING that I want to do. anyway, if i wasn't so lazy, i just might accomplish a quarter of my desires...



Tuesday, June 10, 2003

just thinking...

[complacency : lazy spiritual living]

i think that complacency is just a form of arrogance. you passively refuse to do anything that you're asked. and in this case, asked by God. how terrible! God asks you to spend more time with him, you decide against that. God asks you to speak to someone for Him, you decide to NOT open your mouth.

often these decisions appear as indecisions... but they are decisions nonetheless.

so, i've decided to integrate BLOGGER into my website for my journal, because i found that i wasn't updating it all too often, since i had to always be at MY computer to edit it - this way, i can add to it whenever. WAY MORE FUN. and yes, then i won't only update it like every few weeks.

anyway, lately i really have felt that God has been calling me to be way more disciplined than i have been being - whether that be with my money, with my thoughts and reactions to terribly annoying people and situations, with my sleeping habits, and especially my devotions. it must be be at least a couple of months since i have actually done my devotions regularly, every day. as of late, it's been so sporadic, and it's really affecting the rest of my life (SURPRISE!)

so, in having truly made up my mind to combat my complacency, deciding last night, today i had such a difficult and heavy day. working was so hard, and it was really hard to feel motivated. i kept searching my mind as to why. it certainly wasn't because i didn't have enough sleep. after all, i went to bed early. then it occurred to me about my decision that i had made last night. and since this doesn't make the enemy happy, of course he'd have to oppose me. once i realized that, i felt encouraged, although the heaviness didn't lift. i felt encouraged because i was doing the right thing and suddenly there was challenge back in my life rather than the dumb, mindless coasting i have been doing over the last couple of months.

okay - and then get this: in my devotions today, it was like God was rebuking me huge. this again, made me feel encouraged because who does he discipline if isn't those he loves? (cf. Prov. 3:12). I'm reading Jeremiah, a good Old Testament (which I hardly touch). the heading is "Israel forsakes God".

vs. 5 "they followed worthless idols/ and became worthless themselves..."
i am only making myself as worthless as the things i'm chasing. whether that's some ideal perfection as i push myself at the gym, or see what kind of name i can make for myself in anything i do, it's nothing. absolutely nothing. especially when i compare it to the relationship i'm dropping with God to chase these sorts of things.

vs. 8 "the priests did not ask, 'where is the Lord?'"
the PRIESTS of Israel forgot Him! they who dealt with the law, the law that reflects who God is, His holiness, completely neglected Him! and they still didn't recognize His absence from Israel. and this hit me especially hard since i work at church, where the things of God, people who have dedicated their lives to serving Him in this capacity are in such close proximity, that I have "forgotten God". I haven't been looking for Him asking, "Where is the Lord?" in my own life, and even in my work.

v. 19b "consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the Lord your God and have no awe of me"
yeah, i'm losing the awe of God. how'd this happen? that's when you don't keep God in your focus at all times. think about it. when you're confronted with God, it's IMPOSSIBLE to not be in awe of Him. but if you remove yourself from being confronted with Him, it's easy to be familiar with your own experience of Him within your own memories. everyone needs to be confronted with him afresh everyday so that we would never lose sight of how AWESOME He really is.

v. 28 "where then are the gods you made for yourselves? let them come if they can save you when you are in trouble!"
what is that we replace God with daily? are they ANYTHING when we are in trouble? can we turn to work when we're in trouble? can we turn to friends? to mentors? to money? to possessions? to ourselves, and our intelligence? what is my life if it isn't completely centered around him?

so yeah, for a long while, i wasn't "getting anything out of" my devotional time... but it was probably because i was doing it SO half-heartedly. i regret it so much now, but i'm not spending too much time regretting. it's such a waste of energy: regret. it's far more constructive to put your energy towards the future, pressing forward to that which you know is right.

i'm out. it's late.
2.18 is definitely past my bedtime, but it was completely worth it.